Be someone’s greatest gift.

I need a relationship in which I don’t have to keep explaining myself. Nothing is more tiring than having to constantly explain yourself. Emotional tiredness drains you far more than physical tiredness. So, the search is for that one relationship in which I can enjoy the freedom of trust, where I don’t have to explain everything about me.

I need a relationship in which I won’t be held against myself. I have my strengths. I have my shortcomings. The search is for that one relationship in which my lesser side will not be provoked and instigated constantly. I want that one relationship in which my positives will always be brought to the surface. I need a relationship in which my today is not viewed with the mistakes I made yesterday. Being human… I’m bound to err every now and then. I want someone who won’t maintain a database of my mistakes. The search is for that relationship where yesterday’s fight doesn’t halt today’s communication… where yesterday was over yesterday.

I need a relationship in which it isn’t me who has to take the initiative all the time. I need a relationship where I can be transparent. I need a relationship in which I don’t have to alter my likes and dislikes to gain I and retain the relationship. need a relationship in which my self-image is not scratched. I need a relationship in which I’m not asked to be anyone else. I need a relationship in which I feel completely myself… even more than when I am with my own self. I need that one relationship in which I feel as though I am once again in my mother’s womb a relationship in which my heart always feels… just born. Oh my dear readers, if you already have one such relationship… please go down on your knees in gratitude, for there cannot be a greater gift from life. Such a relationship is life’s greatest gift. If you don’t have one, despair not. Didn’t he say from the mountain top – “Do unto others what you want others do unto you”? Can you be that one to someone else? Gift ourselves into someone’s life. Love someone so completely that you make yourself worthy of being someone’s greatest gift. People feel your love not by what you are with them, but by what they can be with you. In the presence and fragrance of your love, let your beloved blossom.

Quality is that invisible detail.

I was shocked to see the celebrated speaker get out of his dirty car… so dirty that I wouldn’t even touch it with gloves on my left hand… the inside of the car was the closest I have seen to a garbage chute… the speaker was going to deliver a lecture on ‘Quality of Life’. Hmmm… I have seen disciples walking out of a spiritual meet, cleaning the dirt in their eyes… a confirmation that people who don’t even care about the cleanliness of their bodies seek the cleansing of their souls… what ignorance! They don’t even bathe, but they want their lives to be bathed by the grace of their Guru. I have seen sales personnel with unshaven faces, unpolished shoes, badly worn ties, screaming their sales pitch on the ‘World-class Quality’ of their products and services.
We ought to realize that quality begins on the inside and then works its way out. The quality of what we give depends on the quality of what we have; the quality of what we have depends on the quality of what we do; and the quality of what we do depends on the quality of what we are. Quality consciousness is expecting more from yourself than what anyone else expects of you. Quality consciousness is setting higher standards for yourself than what the world has set for you. Quality consciousness is the belief that everything can and must be improved. Quality is about not having a hole in your socks… no creaking doors… all the clocks in the house showing the same time… no torn upholstery… no dirty fans, no cobwebs on the wall, no leaking taps… the phone picked up within five rings… no surfaces with the paint peeling off … staff washrooms so clean that one can actually lie down on the floor… door latches that work…
Quality – the presence of which is seldom noticed, but the absence of which can never be missed. Quality is about detailed excellence in areas that others might not even notice… A flower is a flower, with or without the fragrance; yet the presence of the fragrance makes all the difference. Quality is that invisible detail… the presence of which makes all the difference.

Much after 'your' life and 'my' life has become 'our' life....

Existence has purposefully created man and woman a little incomplete so that they could embrace each other and make it complete. However, centuries of conditioning have given the terms husband and wife a very narrow connotation. It has shrunk the scope of this relationship. Drop the words husband and wife from your vocabulary and resolve to be 'friends for a lifetime'. Then, both the man and the woman will sometimes play the mother, sometimes the father, sometimes a cranky kid, then the mentor, the teacher, the mirror... and of course, sometimes husband and wife too. Expand the definition of this relationship and keep it open. 
Dignity in a marital relationship is found when you relate to your spouse as a complete individual, and not of thinking, just the body. Observe each other's way  discuss personal values, standpoints and convictions; get sensitised to each other's feelings, develop emotional compatibility and take time to sit together in quietude to develop spiritual connectivity. Respect the entirety of the person and relate to the whole person, not just the peripheral aspect of the other - the body. Don't try to do in one year what can be done in ten years and don't try to do in one month what can be done in one year. Most married couples fall all over each other, overdo everything within the first few months and then there is no life left in that relationship. They coexist in a dead relationship. What can be a tree should not die as a plant. Take it slow and make it long. In life, as well as in a good relationship, the past is irrelevant. The present forms the building blocks. The future is very significant, for that is where the two of you will travel together. Discussing day-to-day trifles alone will only make you fall in love. Talk future, talk dreams, talk ambitions, and resolve top lay a part in each other's growth in a very objective and non intrusive manner. That's the way to grow in love.
There is this universal concept that after the wedding, both lives superimpose and there is only one life to live from then on. As a result, women were often forced to live as a shadow of their man in the name of marriage. They tagged on, but as frustrated, self pitying, sacrificial individuals who felt exploited. The fact is, much after YOUR life and MY life has become OUR life, there is still my life and your life. 'Our' life is that intersecting space called marriage. Happiness in marriage depends on how both relate in 'our' space and how this space keeps growing with every passing year. However, he will continue to have his life and she should continue to have her life. In fact, she is at her best in 'our' space when she goes to her space and then comes to 'our' space; the same is true with him. This will ensure that you respect each other's space, each other's individual likes, dislikes and priorities, and most importantly, this alone will ensure that you do not suffocate each other in the name of love. 
Marriage, in its true sense, should improve the quality of life of both involved. Marriage can and should be a continuity of life, magnifying the possibilities for both. A good marriage has to be nurtured and developed. Building a great marriage is an art; so get artistic. 

Life has sent a teacher, disguised as experience...

Your maturity is always one leg below every new experience we encounter in life. The very purpose of life's experiences is to give us that maturity... but then, with every experience it isn't just the bar of our maturity that gets raised a little, even the bar of challenges we face gets raised. Thus goes the upward growth spiral of life. 
It is immaterial how knowledgeable we are, or how much of life we have seen, or if we are the very best in what we do - even if we are an encyclopedia on life... a fall, a trip, a slump is always round the corner. Life always intrudes to disturb the flow, the rhythm... But remember, on the totem pole of growth, a failure in the tenth grade is still higher than a pass in the eighth grade. A just-miss in an attempt to scale Mount Everest is still a leg higher than making it to the top of the local hill. The higher the maturity, the higher the challenge. That's how life moulds man. 
Life isn't a journey of going two steps forward and one step back. That happens only when man lives his life without awareness... without learning from his experiences. A man whose awareness coaches him to learn from every experience lives as though he's on a trampoline - he rises to fail and falls to rise... but the rise after every fall is even higher. Both his maturity and the level of his challenges are raised to the next higher leg. What is the reason for your success? "Good decisions." What enables you to make good decisions? "Life's experiences." How do you gain life's experiences? "Bad decisions." 
On the trampoline of life's experiences, I keep growing experience by experience. Every experience either gives me what I want, or it gives me the awareness -why I didn't get what I want. 
The next time a setback disturbs your centeredness just remember, life has sent a teacher, disguised as experience, to help you raise the bar of your maturity. Let your awareness help you to not only mature out of that experience, but also regain your centeredness. Get ready for a higher challenge. We mortals have to fall to rise... the blessing being that we always rise a little higher. 

Where man's responsibility ends, Existential responsibility takes over....

There is a subtle difference between 'waiting' and 'waiting for', and in that lies the difference between 'peaceful progress' and 'stressful success'. 

The farmer has ploughed the soil and planted the seeds... now he must wait... Where man's responsibility ends, existential responsibility takes over. Now if the farmer knows the art of 'waiting', he will wait peacefully. Instead, if he waits for the sprouting, then every passing moment will make him restless and stressed. His mind will keep rattling -"Why isn't it happening? Why not yet?" Even if it eventually sprouts, he has already traded his peace for success. The damage is already done. Have you pressed the button for the elevator... now wait... it will come when it comes. 'Waiting for' the elevator will make you pace the floor and make your eyeballs go up and down... as if that will speed up the elevator and make it reach your floor faster. Have you placed your order with the waiter...just wait... waiting for the waiter will make the wait an exasperating experience. Have you taken the decisions that are to be taken... have you performed the actions that are to be performed... have you done what can be done by you... now wait... just wait... not 'for' this or that or anything, but just wait... In it, you will discover the key to peaceful progress. 'Waiting for' also brings in success, but that success is far too stressful. When there is a peaceful path to success, why take the stressful path? 

One of the most essential qualities for spiritual progress is the ability to do one's part and just wait... Most people who cry for a spiritual experience, that eluding silence, actually suffer because of this attitudinal disease - waiting for. By 'waiting for' the experience, you become a witness against your own self, instead of becoming a witness to the experience. It is to that 'waiting witness' that the spiritual experience unfolds itself. 

Give up 'waiting for and you will give up stressful success. Learn to do your part and wait... that's the path to peaceful progress. 

Life will not postpone our death...So, let us not postpone our life...

What causes management stress? It is caused by the gap between when a thing should have been done and when it was eventually done. What is Technology gap? It is a better way of doing things that has already come into the industry, but you are yet to implement. If what has to be done has to anyhow be done eventually, then why not do it today and save the stress? If there is a better way of doing things, then why not get to it before someone else does and enjoy that edge... rather than being an also-ran? When we know that something is bad, then why not drop it now? Why wait for the New Year? Why wait for another day? Do you want to deliver 'world-class' quality? From this very moment, stop doing anything that is less than world-class' quality. Do you want to apologize for a mistake you committed earlier but have just become aware of...seek forgiveness;else, you'll reel with guilt. Had a flash of brilliance... execute the idea immediately, else someone else will and you will merely follow.
Fools and wise men do the same things, but at different times. Wise men do it at once and fools do it at last. Live as if tomorrow is today. We understand the importance of health and fitness, but postpone our efforts in that direction, We realize the importance of financial planning and investment, but procrastinate taking the initiative in that direction. We comprehend the importance of our board exams, but push our preparations till it becomes a crisis. We find pushing papers into the pending folder the most convenient option. 
All stress and tension in life is nothing but the accrual of psychological pressure caused by the gap between when something should have been done and when it was eventually done. Procrastination is the most certain way to shorten one's lifespan. Postponement is the signature of under achievers. Life will not postpone our death. So, let us not Postpone our life. There is no such day as one of these days'. Today is the day. If tomorrow comes, I will tell tomorrow, 'I've already done it yesterday'.

The need to be respected is far greater than the need to be guided.

Even before she could learn to possess, she was asked to share. When she was barely five, she was asked to make sacrifices for the sake of her brother who was just two. She was still a kid, but her parents expected her to play the role of a responsible older sister. Thirty years later, she has a family of her own; so does her brother. She still feels responsible for her younger brother. She still advices him... interferes whenever there are ripples in her brother's marriage, advices her brother's wife on what to feed the child, and how to parent the child. She is still making sacrifices, but what is she getting in return? 

Heartaches, sleepless nights and copious tears over being treated with indifference. Why? Her brother is old enough to make his own decisions. Even if some of his decisions go wrong, he feels he has the right to make those mistakes; he feels they are his learning ground. The sister-in-law regards her as unwanted interference in her marriage. She believes she should have the freedom to parent her children the way she wants and detests the idea of others interfering under the guise of being older to her. 

From the first word uttered to the first word written to the first steps he walked... the father played an active part in it. For the son, his dad was always a superman, a hero and the only role model he wanted to emulate. Even the son's career counselling was done by Dad. The son went on to become a first-generation entrepreneur and again it was his dad who guided him. Today, the son is a celebrated industrialist. Even today, the Dad waits up every evening to know what happened at work, but the son feels claustrophobic. He feels that his dad should give him more space. Dad is going through spells of depression because he's not getting  the same attention he used to get from his son. ad feels that he's not needed anymore. The effect of this is showing up on his health - he is beginning to age a. little faster. 

You can always be a sister, but you cannot always Play the sister. You will always be loved as a parent, but you cannot always play the parent. Beyond a point, not everybody can accept a 'holier-than-thou' approach. 

A three-year-old expects to be respected in a certain way and the three-year-old needs to be respected that way. At three, not being given the choice of clothes she wants to wear is interpreted by her as not being respected. At ten, the son wants to read the menu card by himself and place the order. That to him is his idea of being respected. As a teenager, she wants to choose her friends; and her parents respecting her choice of friends is her sense of being respected. Now that he has worked with you for a few years, he wants to take a few decisions by himself, and your not overruling his decisions is his sense of being respected. Every age and every phase of life has some sense of respect associated with it, and you need to respect that. 

Though the intentions may be noble, sometimes our attempt to guide people, especially unasked for, makes them feel not respected. The need to be respected is far greater than the need to be guided. Make others feel respected...let this be your choice. They will take your guidance... let this be their choice. 

The vital few and the trivial many....

Vilfredo Pareto, the Italian economist, discovered the 80/20 principle in 1897, which is now referred to as Pareto's rule. He discovered that 80% of the output results from 20% of the input, 80% of consequences flow from 20% of causes, and 80% of results come from 20% of effort. Joseph Juran referred to this 20% as the 'vital few' and the 80% as the 'trivial many'. Sir Isaac Pitman, who invented shorthand, discovered that just 700 common words make up two-thirds of our conversation. He found that these words account for 80% of common speech. 
A student covers 80% of his syllabus in 20% of his study hours. About 80% of the question paper in the examination is from 20% of the syllabus. About 20% of customers contribute to 80% of growth, profitability and satisfaction; 20% of products and services account for 80% of the turnover; 20% of employees generate 80% of productivity; the opinion of 20% defines the society; the output of 20% of the population defines the economy of a country. 
If you have 20 sales people, four will be great, six will be mediocre, and ten will simply be hanging in there. Sales managers make the mistake of working with the under-producers and non-performers, trying to get them to be more productive, while the top performers go unattended and are taken for granted. The easiest way to lose your top sales producers is to ignore them in favour of the 'trivial many'. Focus on the strong and make them stronger. 
80/20 thinking is the secret of achieving more with less. Start celebrating exceptional productivity instead of trying to raise the average effort. Strive for excellence in a few things rather than good-enough performance in many. 
There is a tragic amount of waste everywhere. Almost four-fifth of everything that is happening in your life is yielding very little in return. Too much focus is on the 80% which yields only 20%. Transform your thinking. Revamp your outlook. Reallocate your resources from the unproductive 'trivial many' to the productive 'vital few'. Effectiveness is not about what happens to the 80%, but about how you manage, control and utilise the 20%. 20% of your time actually defines what you are and what you will be in life.

Focus on the 20% and 80% of everything in your life will be taken care of. 

You are more important than every THING that has come into your life....

The husband gifted a new car to his wife for her birthday. He first handed over the keys, then a pouch with all necessary documents, including her driving license, and followed it up with a long hug. He then offered to take care of the children and asked her to go on a long drive. She thanked him with a kiss and she was gone with her auto-baby. Hardly a kilometer into the drive, she hit a median. She was safe, but the car was dented. She was consumed with guilt, "What will I tell him? How will he take it?" Thoughts and feelings ran amok. The police were quick to arrive at the accident scene. "Can we see your license?" they demanded. Her hands still shivering, she reached for the pouch that her husband had given her'. With tears rolling down her cheeks, as she picked the license from the pouch she noticed a 'post it' on it with her husband's handwriting, "Honey, in case of an accident, please remember, it is you that I love and not the car. Loving you." 
Blessed are those who have understood that they should be loving people and using things, and not loving things and using people.
A scratch on the car makes our blood pressure go up... but we don't seem to mind a scratch in our heart. I know of a man who broke an artefact by intentionally throwing it on the floor and then remarked, "For eighteen years it has been giving me tension - if it breaks, if it falls down... I thought it was time to show who the boss is and gain some peace of mind." I know of another person who gave a party because his Mercedes Benz was rammed and jammed in an accident. He explained, "Though the car is completely damaged, nothing happened to me, who was inside the car. Now that I am okay I can buy another car, but if the automobile was intact and I was gone - it wouldn't have made much sense." 
Our life began with the 60-rupee toy car. When it broke, we cried. Then we upgraded ourselves to the 2000-rupee remote-controlled car. When that got damaged, we wept. Then we were gifted the 20,000 rupee battery-operated car. When that stopped working, we were depressed. Then came the 4-lakh car, after that the 22-lakh SUV, followed by the 86-lakh luxury sedan... And, every time something happened to this machine, whether a scratch or a dent, the mercury of our tensions and worries went up. All in all, it seems our toys have grown, but we haven't. What we cry for has changed, but the crying is still on. Just that our crying is a lot more sophisticated now. It has many new names like anger, disappointment, frustration, stress, anxiety, etc... 
Toys are there to entertain us. Toys have only one purpose: to be useful to us. From your beach house to your SUV to your latest gizmos and everything else... everything exists to make your life more comfortable. You are bigger than every THING you own. You are more precious than every THING you possess. You are more important than every THING that has come into your life. 
A toy is just a toy. Buy toys. Buy more and more toys. But give them their rightful place. They are just there to be useful to you, to make your life comfortable and to entertain you. Don't ever waste another drop of your precious tears for a toy, no matter how dear the toy may be. After all, you are the dearest of them all. 

The fact is "We Don't" 

and not "We can't." 

It does not matter 

how much we have, 

but what really matters is 

what we do with what we have. 

We cannot do much to change 

what we have, but we can 

certainly change the way we use 

what we have. 

A pawn, if used well, 

will become the queen. 

A relationship that matters to you the most...

If you are happy in life right now, it's not because everything about your life is necessarily going right, but because a relationship that really matters to you the most is going great. If you are unhappy in life right now, its not because everything about your life is going wrong, but because a relationship that really matters to you the most is not going great. Relationships are like seeds. They have to be nurtured and developed. Expectations are like weeds. They grow on their own accord. When enough investment goes into building a relationship, the expectations in that relationship can be managed. When a relationship is left neglected, then the expectations in that relationship shake the very roots of the relationship. Our problem is growing expectations in stagnant relationships. Let us use the metaphor of a savings bank account. Deposits build the reserves in an account from which we can withdraw - but we can withdraw only to the extent we have built the reserves. Similarly, withdrawals in a relationship are possible only to the extent we have made deposits in that relationship. In a relationship where there is substantial emotional reserve, mistakes will be tolerated and forgiven, the meaning will be understood even when communication is inadequate, and your intentions will be appreciated even if you fall short in your actions. In all, the relationship will be good because you are considered good. And you are considered good because of the deposits you have made to build the emotional reserves in that relationship. However, there are some relationships which are taken for granted; the permanence of the relationship is assumed, and nothing is done to nurture the relationship. Expectations continue to rise, but the investments needed to build the relationship are not made with the same continuity. The emotional reserves are overdrawn. In such a scenario, you will be held an offender for every word you speak; every move of yours will be judged; verbal battles and slammed doors will become regular occurrences; neither will your actions be appreciated, nor will your intentions be respected. Such a relationship is like walking on a minefield - it blows up any time and many times. 
The solution is simpler than simple. Deposits, more deposits and many more deposits. No active relationship can be free from withdrawal, but we can always make enough deposits. That on which you invest time grows. Relationships have to be nurtured with the investment of quality time. Take time to listen and to understand. As often as possible, communicate to be understood. Make your love visible by being expressive and demonstrative. Seek to give, but also be graceful in receiving. Receiving is one way of showing your respect for the giver, and it is a huge deposit. Deposit by deposit, build a great relationship and thus earn your happiness in life. 

There is no easy way to the top.

When you choose to drive, you have to accept traffic jams. When you choose to be health conscious, you have to forego being tongue conscious. With income will come income tax. 

Anything you choose in life comes along with its own inherent positives and negatives. What folly it is to search for a rose bush without the thorns! When you choose one face of the coin, you have also chosen the other side of the coin. Don't ask for a trouble-free, blessed life. Not even the mahatmas could embrace a trouble-free blessed life. There is no such life. 

Bigger the ambition, greater will be the issues. When you want to walk, the issues are few. When you choose to run a marathon, obviously there are more issues to deal with. When you choose to merely exist, you face lesser issues. When you choose to live worthy of your potential, then you have to solve larger issues. By lifting one end of the stick, you have already picked up the other end. Only if you are willing to be chiselled, you will become the idol worthy of being worshipped. There is no easy way to the top, and those who made it to the top didn't make it easy. 

After all, there has to be a difference between a history reader and a history maker. 

In a Bible study group, they read Malachi 3:3: "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." What did it mean about the character and nature of God? That week, one of the women had an appointment with a silversmith to watch him at work. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that one had to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest for all the impurities to get burnt away. She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time. The man affirmed that he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but also had to keep his eyes on the silver the whole time. If the silver was left a moment too long in the flame, it would be destroyed. The woman then asked, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled and answered, "Oh, that's easy... when I see my image in it." 

If you are feeling the heat of life, remember that God has His eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you. In every man sleeps a prophet. God became man, so that man can again become god. Life isn't a furnace that's burning you, but one that's transforming you into glittering silver. 

'Today' is His gift unto you.

       

        Recognising the heart behind the material makes it a gift. Even a gift is just a material if

you don't see the heart behind the material.

        A pen becomes a gift when you recognise the heart that gave you that pen. You say, "I had a gifted

childhood," when you recognise the heart of your parents in your upbringing. Education becomes a gift

when you recognise the heart of the teachers who transferred that knowledge unto you. Lifestyle

becomes a gift when you recognise the heart of your employers in your growth. Organisational growth

becomes a gift when you recognise the heart of your employees in their endeavour.

        A gift is not a material, but an outlook - to look out at the   heart behind the material.In that sense, 'Today' is an eternal gift. While there can be several sources for every gift, 'Today' is that precious gift that you either get from Him, or it just means that you have already lived your last day. Not everyone who went to sleep last night woke up this morning. The very fact you did, some force above still thinks you are worthy of another 'Today'. Recognise the heart of the divine behind this 24-hour material. Know, 'Today' is a providential gift. Realise, abusing the gift is abusing the giver. Wasting a day of your life will amount to abusing the giver of this gift. Only when you know the value of a gift, you will value the gift. Value 'Today' and make it valuable. 

         Today you will trade one day of your life for what you will get in return. So, make your today as productive as you can. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. So, draw a line to your past, believe yesterday was over yesterday, and press your speed button into your future. Today does not care about the blemishes of your past, nor is it affected by the uncertainties of the future - it is a day in itself, an opportunity in itself, and a portion of life by itself. So, take care of your Today(s) and you will take care of your life.
          Buddha said, "Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful,"

Pray, 

"Oh my lord, this day of mine is yourgift unto me and the way I live this day will be my gift unto you."